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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27429901">Where Do Broken Hearts Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypagemp3/pseuds/mypagemp3'>mypagemp3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>3 + 1 Things, 3 + 1 fic, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Car Accidents, Getting Back Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Mention of blood, Nothing much though, Post-Break Up, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Sad Mark Lee (NCT)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:42:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27429901</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypagemp3/pseuds/mypagemp3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes. They are everything that Mark has in his mind for the past 3 months. The hurt in them more specifically. Mark knows that he made a lot of mistakes, but he - probably too late - realized that leaving that night was the biggest one. </p><p>Or</p><p>The 3 times Mark tries to solve things with Donghyuck and the 1 that he finally does it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Where Do Broken Hearts Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunflowerchild/gifts">thesunflowerchild</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Cause in my life, you shine brighter than the sun. This fic is for someone very special to me, my girlfwife, my love, my abi. Thank you for always being there for me and for being this amazing person you are. I hope you had an amazing day with the ones that you love the most by your side. Please, stay by my side for a long time. Also, please forgive any mistakes, this is completely unbetaed and English is not my first language. I hope you can enjoy it anyway.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>His eyes. They are everything that Mark has in his mind for the past 3 months. The hurt in them more specifically. Mark knows that he made a lot of mistakes, but he - probably too late - realized that leaving that night was the biggest one. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The last two weeks of them together feels like a turmoil of fights and misunderstandings. Mark can’t even remember how it started, what was the real fight about, but he remembers the day that he decided to break up. It’s not like he can forget, not when the memories of that day are slowly killing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck was happily talking to some guy at his class and when he saw Mark in the front of his class to get him, his smile vanished at the same time. That was the moment Mark knew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All he wanted was for Donghyuck to be happy. He thought that he could be a part of it, but if not possible, Donghyuck happiness should come first anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can’t forget though, when he said that it was over, the look at the younger’s face. And mainly, he can’t forget his words when Mark tried to explain why it was over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need answers, I need you to stay.” Donghyuck said with tears in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark left anyway.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark is on his couch looking absently at the ceiling when he decides, he has to make things right. He won’t blame Donghyuck if he never wants to meet him again, but he has to at least try. It’s the least Donghyuck deserves after trying to contact him for more than 4 weeks after the break up and being ignored by Mark.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>1 - The classroom attempt </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark decides that the best place to meet Donghyuck would be at the end of his Wednesday class. It’s been more than a week since he decided that he would talk to the younger. Mark has been gathering courage to talk to him since then.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The truth is, Mark still doesn’t know exactly what to say, but he knows that he has to say something. What he did to Donghyuck was wrong and probably selfish. He thought that he was doing it to the younger’s best, but the truth is that he probably just let his insecurities take control of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark was never the most confident person and that was no secret. Donghyuck knew as well, he always tried his best to cheer his boyfriend up. It was Mark’s fault that they broke up, and maybe that petty fight that they were having at the time too. The point though, is the fact that they should have talked about the issue instead of acting the way they did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark wishes he was more mature when everything happened. He wishes he could have seen past all the bad thoughts in his own head. It is too late to be thinking about that and he knows it, so all he can do is try to fix it up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has to. Because even after these months apart, he still feels his chest burning with longing. He still misses Donghyuck so very much that sometimes he can’t hold back the tears. He has to try because he still loves Donghyuck with every single part of him, so much that it hurts sometimes. He misses the younger so much that, sometimes, he feels like he can’t breathe at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So with that longing feeling burning on his chest, he leaves his dorm to the building that he knows Donghyuck would be having his last class of the day. On his way to that place, he feels like his mind is about to explode and even though he has so many things on his mind, he knows that, at the moment he sees Donghyuck standing in front of him, he won't know what to say. He decided to try anyway. Donghyuck is worth anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, at least he intended to do so, but little did he know, it would not be so easy. What in his life goes so smoothly after all?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” He hears Jaemin saying in that protective tone with a hint of anger that he came to know very well this past few months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I- I want to talk to Donghyuck.” Mark says a little hesitant but sure of what he wants to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m afraid that won’t be possible.” Jaemin says with no further explanation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“May I know why?” Mark says a little angrily but still trying to hold himself back. Jaemin is only trying to be a good friend as he always is. Mark is sure that he was the one that Donghyuck went to seek for comfort, so Mark can imagine how pissed at him Jaemin must be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really. I don't feel like you deserve to know anything at all.” Jaemin looks at him with so much anger behind his fake smile that it sends chills down Mark’s spine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please Jaemin, I just want to talk to him.” Mark says trying to sound as desperate as he’s feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is there to talk about Mark? I thought that you made it really clear that you don’t have anything else to say when you ignored his calls all those weeks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I… Please Jaemin.” Mark says wanting nothing but to talk with the guy that was inside of that room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mark. I really tried my best not to interfere. I really really tried to stay out of this. That’s why I let Hyuck keep trying to call you every single day for so many weeks. But Mark, after seeing him suffering so much after you rejected every single call of his, how could I just stay out of all of this? What kind of friend would not want to protect his best friend?” Jaemin says finally breaking the facade he was holding until now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The problem is, Mark doesn't know what to say. He can still keep saying that he is sorry but in the end, nothing will erase from Jaemin’s head all the suffering that Mark made Donghyuck go through. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In that moment, Mark realises that it isn't enough. It isn't enough just to feel sorry. It isn't enough just to want to make things right. Mark needs more. Donghyuck deserves more. More of what, Mark still doesn’t know.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>2 - The dorm attempt </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a little more than a week later that Mark decides to look out for Donghyuck again. It’s a holiday and Mark can’t take it anymore. He knows that Donghyuck is alone in his dorms. He knows that all of his friends went back home this holiday but he never goes because his home is way too long and not worth it to go for such a short amount of time. He knows that the younger is alone and that breaks his heart once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark leaves his room and this time he knows what he’s going to say. He planned it for days, because he found out what was missing the last time he went to look for Donghyuck. He realized that what he needed more is to think and be better. To think about his mistakes and show Donghyuck that he has decided not to make them again. And that is what he spent these past few days thinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Mark is getting close to the younger’s building, he feels his heart racing and stops a little to take a deep breath while looking at the moon. He can do it. He knows he can. He thinks again about why he's doing that. Of course he misses Donghyuck with his whole body and soul. Of course he feels like there’s an empty space on his chest since they’ve been apart. Of course Mark knows he is the love of his life. But that’s not the main reason. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The main reason is that Mark knows that Donghyuck deserves so much more. More than a shitty break up. More than a shitty boyfriend that probably left a trauma on him. So he looks around gathering the courage that he gotta have, because it’s the very least Donghyuck deserves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks around himself. The weather is chilly and he was wearing a thick hoodie that was still doing its work in the autumn. In front of him is Donghyuck’s building and right beside it, there’s a tall tree, with its leaves already falling from it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark remembers that it was on a day like this in the year before, that Donghyuck confessed to him. Close to a tree just like this one, he was brave and told Mark how he felt even though he didn’t even know if Mark liked boys. He told Mark that he protected the ones that he cherished and that he wanted to cherish Mark for a long time. Donghyuck was always so brave for Mark, and remembering it at that moment, gives Mark the strength he needs to go inside the building.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark knocks for the 9th time before sitting down on the floor. It was getting ridiculous. Mark has been there for more than half an hour and he is starting to believe that maybe Donghyuck is not home, because the Donghyuck that he knows, would come at the door at least to tell him to piss off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know… I’ve been thinking a lot. And I know that, no matter how many times I say I’m sorry, it will never be enough. Because I know I’ve hurt you so very much, and I also know that there’s no excuse for it.” Mark keeps talking while resting his head against the door. He knows that there’s probably no one home, he knows that he is probably talking to himself, but he just doesn't have the strength to get up and leave. So he stays. “To be quite honest, I’m not here just to make up with you, I didn’t bring any excuses. I’m just here to say I’m sorry, to try to explain how much of a coward I am and to let you know that it doesn't have nothing to do with you. Because Hyuck, you’re the most amazing person I ever knew, I can't even describe how wonderful you are, there are no words for it. And for you to go out with someone like me... And for you to seek someone like me… I’ll be forever thankful. And forever regretful. Because if you only hadn’t spare a glace for me, then maybe you wouldn't have to go through everything I made you go through. Because someone like you, is way too precious to be broken the way I did to you. I’m sorry Hyuck.” Mark says and closes his eyes.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When he wakes up the next morning, there’s a blanket around him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>3 - The theater attempt </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark’s mind has been going round and round since the last holiday. It’s been almost two weeks since the blanket incident and Mark still has it with him. It is driving him crazy. Why did Donghyuck give it to him? Was it really Donghyuck? What is he supposed to do? Everytime Mark looks at that blanket the face of Donghyuck appears on his mind and he feels his heart clench.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know about that presentation at the university theater today?” Lucas says out of nowhere. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He has been Mark’s roommate and best friend for quite a while now and Mark is really grateful for everything that he has done but what the hell is he saying in such a hard moment that Mark was clearly losing his fucking mind?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, the musical, right? The Romeo and Juliet adaptation one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about it?” Mark says not wanting to wait for the boy to talk, going straight to the matter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Donghyuck will be on it. Like, as one of the main characters.” Lucas says not even blinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell Lucas?! Why are you only telling me this now?” Mark almost screams already getting up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I thought you knew it, the posters are literally all around the campus, with his name on really big letters. But I’ve seen how you’re looking out for him this past few weeks and you would obviously go there if you knew it.” Lucas simply says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks, man.” Mark says already leaving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at his watch, it’s already 7 pm, he has 45 minutes to go to the flower shop and to the theater but he believes he can make it. No, he is sure that, for Donghyuck, he will make it.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When he arrives at the university theater, the play has already begun. And not surprising at all, Donghyuck shines brighter than everyone up there together. His voice sounds angelic and he looks like the sun itself. The whole play passes on a blur of the beautifulness of Donghyuck’s voice - or at least that’s how Mark sees it - and at the end of it, Mark feels his stomach twisting inside of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sad end, the impossible love, feels so much less like a play and so much more like his reality, that he can’t help but wonder. Would it be like this for them? An impossible love, because of Mark, that at the end, they’d both be hurt until a stage of no repair? Or would Mark be the only one dying because of love?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While Mark is too absorbed in his own mind, the actors come from behind the stage. When Mark is about to get up to greet Donghyuck, he sees someone getting close to the boy and feels his legs giving out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is that guy. The one that Mark saw the day they broke up. The one that told Mark the day before that he had a crush on his boyfriend. The one that said that could make Donghyuck happy like he could never. The one that proved himself right the next day when Donghyuck was smiling with him but became serious when seeing Mark. Maybe it was really the best to give up at love after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The guy has a flower bouquet on his hands and hugs Donghyuck after Jaemin lets him go. He holds Donghyuck tight and for way too long. He gives him the bouquet and gets closer to the boy again. He whispers something in Donghyuck's ear and he drops the bouquet. Donghyuck runs with tears in his eyes. Wait. Donghyuck runs with tears in his eyes?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark gets up at the same moment and goes in the direction the boy just left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell did you tell him?” Mark says, already pushing the guy to the wall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s none of your business.” The other guy says a little suffocated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to fucking ask again.” Mark says putting more pressure on the boy's chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just the truth. That he was good tonight. That he deserves someone that won’t dump him to date other girls and won’t even care about him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Son of a…” No, Mark does not have time for this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at the way Donghyuck just ran to. He goes that way and finds the parking of the theater. The problem is that he doesn’t see the other boy’s car anywhere. He looks around himself, trying to think where Donghyuck could have gone. Where, where, where?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sudelly, Mark remembers a phrase. “Let this be our initial and final place okay? If there is to be a day where we go separate ways, where one of us breaks each other’s heart, let it be here the place of the other to give up, okay?” On that day, Mark complained about his dramatic words. Today, he’d thank him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark drives his car to the park where Donghyuck confessed to him. Mark speeds up every single red light, he couldn't care less at the moment. All that he has on his mind is: Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck. But, one minute later all he has on his mind is: Please, don't let it be Donghyuck, don't let it be Donghyuck, don't let it be Donghyuck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s all in vain though, because when he gets closer to the car accident, Mark can see the love of his life full of blood.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>+1</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When the doctors finally let Mark in, the sun is almost up in the sky. Mark feels like he never had such a long night in his entire life. They kept saying that Donghyuck’s injuries were not serious and yet, they didn’t let him come in even once during all those hours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Mark enters that room, Donghyuck is already awake. He looks surprised when he sees Mark coming in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mark? Why? When the doctor said there was a guy waiting outside the whole night… I thought it was Jaemin…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyuck… I’m so so so sorry. It’s all my fault and I know it. I don’t even know where to start it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You already started, didn’t you? At my door?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you really were there? You were the one that gave me that blanket… I should have known…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you should.” And there is so much hurt in Donghyuck’s voice that he is sure that the younger is not talking about the blanket anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry Hyuck. I really should have known better. Better than leaving you because of my insecurities, better than believing in the voices on my head before believing you. I have absolutely no excuse for what I have done.But I want you to know that everything that guy said was a lie. There has never been somebody else since the beginning, in my eyes, there’s only you. And I completely understand if you never want to see me again. But only, if you only want to give me another chance, then I promise to try to make everything better, Hyuck. Because I swear to god, I was so stupid to think that I could give up on the love of my life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really screwed up Mark.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And it was so wrong of you not to come to me and talk about how you were feeling. It was so wrong of you not to trust me. Couples fight all the time, Mark, but in the end, if there is still love, and if there is still the determination to make it work, then it’s okay. But that was the problem Mark, we were dating for almost a year. Do you remember how many times you said that you loved me? Because I’m pretty sure it was not more than one or two.” Donghyuck says with teary eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Hyuck. I’m so very sorry. I kept letting my insecurities louder than my love for you and that was so unfair with you. But Hyuck, I love you so goddamn much. The moment I saw you in that car, I really wished that it was me, because if something was to happen to one of us, I really hoped that it could be me instead of you, Hyuck.” Mark says holding himself back not to cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop saying stupid things Mark Lee, as if I’d ever let anything happen to you. I already told you, I protect ones that I love.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then… Does this mean…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come here, you big morron.” Donghyuck says opening his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Mark finally holds Donghyuck close, something inside of him feels at ease, just like that feeling when you get home after a long time distant from it. Because that was what Donghyuck was to him. His home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Hyuck. I will never be able to say this enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Instead of hearing you saying “I’m sorry” countless times, I’d rather hear you saying “I love you” for the rest of our lives.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>That was it, I hope you liked!<br/>Also, feel free to come to scream at me about Markhyuck anytime, here's my <a href="https://twitter.com/hisjaems">Twitter!</a><br/>Also you can ask me anything or just say something at my <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/hisjaems">cc!</a><br/>As always, kudos and comments are highly appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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